“ I have 5 college degrees, including my doctorate, all based around counseling, mentoring, and helping couples to grow, change and prosper in life. What I am about to tell you, has been tested, witnessed and experienced in my life; it is by far the MOST effective thing a couple can do together and I did NOT learn it in ANY of my educational training… ”

Time was somewhat standing still, as my wife and I were listening to Dr. Rohm teach on Marriage Counseling and training. Our pencils sharpened, anticipation was high, and our highlighters out….

What was he going to say? How was he going to finish the sentence?

What could he have possibly found out on his own after years of school and successfully helping couples turn near-divorce situations into healthy growing relationships?

What was the ‘nugget’ that took more than 5 degrees and a Ph.D. to learn?

He continued, “ ... In school, we were taught to help highlight and clarify what was going WRONG with the relationships and work on strategies for improvement.”

“However, we have found to be overwhelmingly MORE successful to start with what IS WORKING in the relationship (strengths) rather than to start with the areas that ARE NOT working (weaknesses). Staying focused on the strengths of the marriage and building on those is much more helpful than locking onto all the problems and trying to turn them around. ”

Boom - there it was. Worth the price of admission.

Dr. Rohm shared that, based on all of his experience, if you help a couple focus on what they like and appreciate about one other, the things they enjoy doing together and have them do more of those things, it will kindle (or rekindle) and strengthen the relationship, so it can be strong enough to handle work in areas that need improvement.

Once the relationship is headed back in the right direction, you might be able to look to at some of the areas of concern.

Powerful stuff for relationships - but the principle applies in broader contexts as well

Authors Marcus Buckingham & Donald Clifton have studied this same topic as it relates to business and business management - the importance of focusing on your own (and others strengths) In their book “Now, Discover Your Strengths” they mention a few factors that have a huge impact on the success that a person will experience in life.

Two flawed assumptions:

1. Each person can learn to be competent in almost anything
2. Each person's greatest room for growth is in his or her areas of greatest weakness.

Two assumptions that guide the best managers:

1. Each person’s talents are enduring and unique
2. Each person’s greatest room for growth is the area of his or her greatest strength!

Think for a moment about yourself - What assumption are you under?

• Are you open to a quick exercise? Try this...
  
• Write down 5 of your weaknesses.
  
• Now, write down 5 of your strengths.
  

Great Job - which did you find easier?

It is really interesting. When I am doing my live training, I often ask the group to do the same exercise

As soon as I ask them to list their weaknesses, their heads are down, ink is flowing and everyone easily executes the directive.

When ask them to write down five strengths, you can feel the energy in room change…

After two or three words on the paper, you will see trainees looking out the window, look around, thinking, mentally squirming trying to come up with the last couple.

Why is that?

It’s because most of us are MUCH more aware of our weaknesses than our strengths; myself included.

We can be an accused breed and living in our weaknesses can really affect how we use & invest our time in ourselves and others.

Are you fixing your weakness or building on your strength?

Think about your strengths - how can you capitalize on them?

What are your most powerful combinations?

(I love this question from the book):

" What one, two, or three things can you do better than 10,000 other people?

How often do you get to do what you are really good at every day? "

The Bible also talks about focusing on your strengths. In Romans 12:6, Paul talks about gifts (talents) & does encourage / command us to hone in and focus on them:

‘ We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.’

Notice a few things:

1. Not everyone has the same ‘gift’.
2. He is encouraging them to identify with and understand what it is they are gifted with.
3. Then, live in that strength zone - focus on it and thrive in it!

Consider carefully the following questions:

Are you living in your strength zone?

Or, like a lot of people, are you a wealth of unrealized capacity?

Imagine the increase in productivity if you were to focus more on your strengths...

Are you playing to your strengths?

What is the best way to maximize your potential?

What if you did more of what you were good at every single day?

What does your ‘strong life’ look like?

“If there is any difference between you and me, it may simply be that I get up every day and have a chance to do what I love to do, everyday. If you want to learn anything from me, this is the best advice I can give you.’ - Warren Buffett

What’s Warren Buffett's strategy? He deliberately plays to his strengths & he sticks to his values - he stays the course.

Consider more advice given in the book previously mentioned, “ Now, Discover Your Strengths ”:

Do not live a life that is so ‘random’. Rather, live one that is razor sharp to the strengths at hand by doing these two things:

1. Become aware of your strength
2. Do not reinforce the weaker threads

Look inside yourself and develop your strongest threads, reinforce them with practice and learning, and either find or carve out a role that draws on these strengths every day!

When you do, you will be more productive, more fulfilled, and more successful.

This has been revolutionary for me, but not easy. I had to take a tough look at my life and say ‘NO’ to certain roles that I had taken on. Being a people pleaser, this was challenging.

However, it was worth it, worth it, worth it.

And it will be for you too!

Know your 5 strengths.

How can you focus and build on your strengths if you do not know them?

Ask 10 people (some family, some co-workers, friends from church or a group you are a part of) what they believe to be your greatest strengths.

It takes humility to ask, but commit to doing it - you will be glad you did and you might even get surprised as well!

Commit to developing them and aligning your life to them and with them so that you can maximize your potential.

Want some help with this? Feel free to email me & we can discuss.

You can also leave me a comment below about how you have found this to work for you.

Would love to hear from you !

To your STRONGEST self,

Dave